Introversion is NOT a Disease

I had an incredible epiphany today.
It's kind of personal, but it really was a life changing break discovery.

I listened to a TED talk entitled "The Power of Introverts" (http://on.ted.com/Cain)

It was amazing.

I have always been an introvert, but growing up I was much more than I am now.
In school I always had friends, but I was labeled as the "shy girl" from elementary through high school. It was a real struggle for me. I felt like Adrian in the Rocky movies. In the first movie she explains to Rocky that she felt her shyness was like a disease.

That's exactly how I felt. I felt my worth, to a degree, was based on whether or not I was outgoing. Every year, for years, my New Year's resolution was to become a more outgoing person. I have always been a people person, but more of a one-on-one people person. I love making friends and making people laugh and feel good, but when I was stuck in a group of people that I didn't know or didn't know well, I would feel awkward and insecure.

In her talk, Susan Cain suggests that schools and workplaces cater towards the extrovert, and tend to leave the introverts out, making them feel inadequate and inferior. That was exactly the case with me. Group projects made me feel uncomfortable, and I never had an opportunity, or rather, felt secure enough to contribute. I even had peers that would try to get me to talk or to say certain words, which only made me want to talk less. Suffice it to day I struggled greatly with this as an adolescent.

Eventually I graduated from high school and went to college. There I became more confident and confortable with myself, but still, I struggled with feeling inferior at times. After two years of college I went on an 18 month mission for the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-Day Saints in norther California. This was one of the greatest experiences of my life. Naturally, I became more bold and assertive because I would daily talk to complete strangers about the Gospel of Jesus Christ. We would knock on doors and talk to people in their homes, in parkinglot, in the streets..etc. At first this was extremely uncomfortable and difficult for me. I felt like a robot. I wanted to share this message that meant so much to me, but I didn't know how to be outgoing and share my personality.


Eventually I became natural and comfortable as a missionary. I grew to love talking to people and sharing my thoughts and feelings. I was also trained younger missionaries for my entire mission, except 18 weeks. Being a leader helped me to feel like more of an extrovert as well. Now I am still a people person, but I continue to prefer to get to know people one-on-one. I enjoy having many friends, and feel like I have finally achieved the goal I so despritely sought as a youth: I am outgoing.

My epiphany today was that I wasn't broken as a teenager.
I was always trying to be someone I just wasn't. Someone I didn't feel comfortable being.
I wanted to be fixed. I felt I couldn't make friends or date unless I was an extrovert.
I have realized that everyone is a combination of an introvert and an extrovert. I love parties and gatherings. I love socializing and having many friends. But if I had a free afternoon, I would prefer to read a book, or draw, or write, or run. I love having many friends, but I cherish having a few best friends. I get stressed in large crowds, and camping next to another tent is not my idea of a good time.

This really just occured to me. I am so grateful for who I was. Every person has something significant to contribute. You do not have to be an outgoing, bubbily extrovert to make a difference in the lives of others and in the world.

I was blessed, however, to have amazing parents, friends (one of whom I married!), and youth leaders who did not treat me like I was different. It's like they saw me for who I really was, and treated me as such. It was with them that I felt more like myself. They made me feel like a million bucks, and it didn't matter that I was an introvert.

In a religious point of view, I believe that the natural side effect of coming close to Christ is wanting to reach out to others. As you are filled with the love of God, you can't help but want to share that love with all around you. But you don't have to be an extrovert to do this effectively. In fact, the very nature of the gospel is one-on-one. Our loving Heavenly Father created us each with unique abilities and gifts and we each can contribute greatly to the world and to the kingdom.

Now, it is my quest and mission to ensure my children feel they are important and valuable no matter their personality. Character is deeper than charisma.

Parenthood is all about LOVE

I don't usually have a vent post, but this is something that has been on my mind.

Before I became a mom, I didn't know anything about Babywise, or the Ferber Method. I had no idea what CIO stood for, or what the benefits of breastfeeding were. I just admired my mom and I knew she did her best. I felt the same away about other parents I knew. I didn't know or care what parenting method they used, I just loved to be around them because they loved their kids and had fun.

Once I became inducted into the Mom Club, and Parenthood Association, I became aware that there are a bazillion ways to raise a baby before they are one year old, and a million ways to raise a child. It seemed like every well thoughtout sleep book, family or cultural tradition or medical theory had a bitter group of mothers who detested every word and thought any publication should be burned in a sweltering furnace. Granola moms swore to non-hospital, natural births, breastfeeding, cloth diapers, co-sleeping and any other put-you-baby-to-sleep method besides cry it out. Traditional medically minded American moms had hospital births, vaccinated thier kids, used disposable diapers and may have supplimented with formula. While there are loud extremes to both schools of thought, and most parents probably fall somewhere in the middle, it seems whatever any well-meaning parent tries to do, there are numerous ranting parental forums, mothers pointing fingers and judgmental glances. Good grief.

We're all just figuring this out as we go, right?

I'm not writing this to point out who is right and who is wrong. I am certain there are pros and cons to every practice and theory. And, I am in no position to give advice...I have one baby, and I know every child and situation is different.

All I want to do is say is -lets not forget what parenting is all about afterall. No one is made fun of in high school because their parents let them "Cry It Out." No degrees are withheld because you were fed with formula. Good parents love their kids, enough said. Just love your children and do your best, and everything will be okay. You won't be a perfect parent. You won't always know exactly what your screaming baby needs, and many times you will join every parent in the Parenthood Association and feel completely overwhelmed and at the end of your rope. But it's my feeling that love is really what matters the most. Play with your kids, laugh with them, tell them you love them. Love your spouse or partner if you are blessed to have one, but don't stress too much about what you might be doing or not doing.

Lets praise our fellow moms and dads for what they are doing well. For their decision to be parents when it isn't an easy thing to do, or when we live in a world that often says it isn't convienient or cool. Lets let our friends love their children, and lets show them love in return.

I am sure that love is what's most important afterall.