I'll be honest: I pretty much decided to put my art on the shelf for a while. I even stopped posting on my art blog. We've been without any income for 7 months, and I felt an incredible, and overwhelming pressure to make some money with my art. Thankfully my wonderful husband didn't say or expect anything, and this was all in my head (which can sometimes be worse....ha ha!), but lets just say I don't perform well under pressure. I never do. I overworked my paintings to death in college while sitting in a puddle of sweat, then, I'd turn them in after starting over for the bazillionth time. My work sometimes got so rigid, rather than fun and loose, because I was so anxious about a pending deadline.
My other obstacle has been the struggle with balancing my life (right along with the other 6 billion people on earth). I am very time and goal oriented. Maybe it is a fault, but I obsess about trying to make the most of every second. It would struggle because I know being a mom and a wife is most important, but that doesn't mean I can't do the things I love, right? I just worried that I would never be able to do art, because I felt I was neglecting something (or someone) more important.
When jr. napped or went to bed I had many other things on my mind than picking up my sketchbook. First, I am a bit of a neat-freak, so I usually resort to cleaning the house, or at least doing the dishes. Second, I love working out. Pumping out a quick, hard, cardio or strength workout during Max's nap was my #2 priority. Then there was sleeping myself, or spending time with the husband, working on church responsibilities, being a good friend or neighbor, or just vegging out for a second. (Check out this awesome workout I did yesterday!)
I was definitely not unhappy, I just felt a little unfulfilled. I read my scriptures and prayed everyday, and tried to spend valuable time serving family, friends, and sometimes strangers--but I just wasn't being creative, and despite all the other good things I thought I was doing, I felt a void in my life.
But, thanks to two recent 'events', I have restored my desire to be an artist for life, no matter what.
1) I was asked to make a poster and invitations for a large women's conference for my church. This really was a blessing for me because it helped remind me that I can use my talents to further God's work and serve others. I don't have to be the best, I just have to be willing. The woman who asked me to do the poster was really happy with it, and that helped me realize sometimes being over-anxious is selfish, and I just need to think more of others. Sometimes the key is to simplify and be satisfied rather than overwork ourselves into a pit (or puddle).
2) Today I watched THIS video on YouTube. I've actually watched it before, but it really didn't sink in. It's an illustrator I really admire (Will Terry) voicing his thoughts about illustrators making it in the world today. It was exactly what I needed to restart my artistic fire. A few things he says that really resonated with me are:
"Success is a product of what you do in your spare time."
"Are you committed for life?"
Am I passionate enough about art to do it for the sake of art? Am I committed for life? Committed regardless of whether or not I "make it big"?
Yes.
Thanks to these little reminders I am. I love art because it's fun to create. Of course I want success, and I am working towards that...towards being a published author/illustrator, to be more specific.
I believe if we put Him first, and our most important relationships first, we'll have the time we need to do other things that are important to us.
I'll keep you posted, but I just had to share my little enlightenment :)
Thanks for listening.
And, if you have a passion or talent (or a talent you are passionate about, or a passion you hope to be talents with), go for it! You can do anything you want, if you want it enough. Desire leads to action, which leads to becoming, remember? Anyway, I believe in you.
One of the first sketches I have really enjoyed doing in a long time.
Oh, and I'll be revamping my art blog, so stay tuned!
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