Raising a baby is hard. Finishing your last semester as an art student is hard. Doing both at the same time? Lets just say there are days when I am not sure I am Mom material...or college graduate material....or human being material.
It would have been so much easier to wait to start a family until I graduated. I would have been able to dedicate more uninterrupted time to my projects, and I certainly would have less sleepless nights and bloodshot eyes. I would have more time to get ready, and my house would be cleaner. Traveling would be easier, and so would getting our weekly date nights, and pretty much everything else. Usually when I come home after being at school all day, Max doesn't let me leave his side, or even put him down, so I do most of my art projects while holding him....along with cook dinner, do the dishes, clean the house...
Lets just say my right arm has gotten very strong, and my ability to accomplish tasks one-handed is rather impressive!
Add that to the fact Max got the flu two weeks ago, which I missed classes for, then I got sick (more missed classes), and he is teething.
However. I do not regret for one second our decision to start a family. It is certainly not a convienient time for us..but when is? The past 6 months have been crazy, but they have also been wonderful. I had no idea how this little guy would tug at my heart strings. I had no clue how totally and utterly in love I would be. I didn't prepare myself for the pure joy of hearing his litttle laugh, or seeing his smile. I absolutely love seeing my sweetheart put his "Daddy hat" on. Watching him make Max giggle and squirm with delight is my favorite thing in the world. I love his little face as he sleeps, the way he snuggles into your arms. Becoming a parent has been lifechanging, to say the least. I am not just a woman, or a wife. Not just an art student, or a member of the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-Day Saints. Or a Christian, or a runner. I am not just a sister or daughter or friend. I am not even just a person, I am a Mother!
I would endure a hundred million more sleepless nights, teething babies, fussy moments, crazy schedules, if it meant I had one more second to hold my sweet baby boy.
I love you Max. Come what may!
I know for some, the decision to have children comes after school or after careers get established, after world travel, or a certain amount is in the bank. I am not saying those decisons are wrong...choosing when to have children and how many to have are very personal decisions, that I believe involve only the couple and the Lord. But I am grateful we did something hard because I have become a much stronger person.
This is the good life. Don't be jealous :)
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