Families Are Forever

One the significant beliefs of the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-Day Saints (or Mormons) is that the family can be an eternal unit. Relationships formed in this life, do not have to be "till death do you part".

That is something that gives me incredible strength, and that I believe with all my heart.

For me, the greatest joy I have ever felt has been associated with family members...the birth of my son, my wedding, holidays together, vacations, to name a few. I know that joy can continue forever. To me that provides great comfort and strength, especially when death or other circumstances hinder those relationships while we are on earth.

I know God has a plan for us, and families are central to that plan. Some may not feel joy with their family, and may not want to spend time with them. Many suffer from the effects of divorce, abuse, addiction and other harmful decisions. Many want to marry or have children but cannot.

I know that whatever situation we face, we can find strength and peace through our loving Heavenly Father's plan for us. He can heal our families and our hearts. He can mend broken marriages, and wounded relationships. He can provide companionship when you feel you have no one to call family or friend.

I would love to share more with you! These principles mean everything to me, and I am completely confident they can bless and enrich your life. In fact, if you follow the teachings of our Savior, Jesus Christ, I promise your life will change for the better.

Visit : http://mormon.org/values/family for more information, or send me an email!

An old picture of me and my three youngest siblings. I sure love these kids!

I have been blessed with two amazing sister-in-laws (my brother's wives). I love these girls!

What a goofy (and weak) bunch of girls! Thanks Dad, for coming to the rescue.

I love this man!

We've done some hard things, but we've been so blessed!

I LOVE being a mom! 

The Beauty of Simplicity

I have had a realization lately: I have a lot of stuff.

Although Quinton and I have been married less than three years, we have somehow accumulated boxes and boxes of stuff we do not use on a regular basis, if ever.

 With this realization came a second epiphany: I don't have to have a lot of stuff.

I have a neighbor who is really my hero in this regard. She is all about simplicity. Once she mentioned to a group of friends that her dream home is a tiny house...something like 100 sq feet or less. At first, I thought she was crazy. I thought she was joking. In fact, a few weeks later, we were hanging out, and I said something like "I've been looking at those tiny houses you like...they're cute and all, but I don't see where you'd put all your stuff"

She said, "That's the whole idea! You get rid of everything you don't absolutely need. It's called simplicity."

Oh.

Then I started to think: Do I really need everything I have? Everything I hang on to? Everything I want?

What about all those clothes in my drawers and closet that I don't love, and rarely wear, but keep anyway? What about that gift that I never use, that just takes up space? What about the sentimental stuff we all hold on to?

People get attached to stuff. It's like we develop some sort of emotional connection or relationship with an object, and thus cannot imagine life without it.

What if there is something to this whole simplicity thing?

I am not saying you have to live in a tiny home, or sell all your possessions or never keep anything of sentimental value, but I think if we make an effort to 'declutter' our lives, we may be happier and healthier. We'll have more money and thus possibly a happier marriage and family life. We'll have more time to spend doing what matters most, and we'll, obviously, have more space.

There may be more to this simplicity thing too.

In the New Testament, a young rich man approaches Jesus Christ, and asks him what he can do to inherit eternal life. Christ lists the commandments, and he explains he has kept them all his life. Christ then asks him to do something tougher. He asks him to simplify and refocus. He says: "If thou wilt be perfect, go and sell what thou hast, and give to the poor, and thou shalt have treasure in heaven: and come and follow me" (Matthew 19:21 KJV)

Unfortunately for this young man this was too hard. He "went away sorrowful; for he had great possessions" (verse 22)

I don't want to be like that young man. I wonder what incredible, life changing experiences he could have had if he was only willing to forsake his worldly "stuff".  Does our stuff hold us back? What opportunities are we missing? Who could we become if we weren't so focused on what we don't have, but think we need?

I have decided to simplify. To declutter and to refocus.

Here are somethings I am committing to do:
-Get rid of everything I don't need (or really, really want..I'm keeping my mac, running shoes, favorite jewelry..etc)
-Don't buy what I don't need or what I won't use
-Make more of an effort to reduce, reuse and recycle.
-Only buy gifts for Quinton and Max they really need or want and will use, or put the money we would have spent on gifts towards a family trip or special outing (and encourage those who give me gifts to do the same for me). SO much money is spent on birthdays and holidays. Imagine if you cut your holiday budget in, say, half and then spend a weekend at the beach with your family?

It's all just stuff anyway, right?

Introversion is NOT a Disease

I had an incredible epiphany today.
It's kind of personal, but it really was a life changing break discovery.

I listened to a TED talk entitled "The Power of Introverts" (http://on.ted.com/Cain)

It was amazing.

I have always been an introvert, but growing up I was much more than I am now.
In school I always had friends, but I was labeled as the "shy girl" from elementary through high school. It was a real struggle for me. I felt like Adrian in the Rocky movies. In the first movie she explains to Rocky that she felt her shyness was like a disease.

That's exactly how I felt. I felt my worth, to a degree, was based on whether or not I was outgoing. Every year, for years, my New Year's resolution was to become a more outgoing person. I have always been a people person, but more of a one-on-one people person. I love making friends and making people laugh and feel good, but when I was stuck in a group of people that I didn't know or didn't know well, I would feel awkward and insecure.

In her talk, Susan Cain suggests that schools and workplaces cater towards the extrovert, and tend to leave the introverts out, making them feel inadequate and inferior. That was exactly the case with me. Group projects made me feel uncomfortable, and I never had an opportunity, or rather, felt secure enough to contribute. I even had peers that would try to get me to talk or to say certain words, which only made me want to talk less. Suffice it to day I struggled greatly with this as an adolescent.

Eventually I graduated from high school and went to college. There I became more confident and confortable with myself, but still, I struggled with feeling inferior at times. After two years of college I went on an 18 month mission for the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-Day Saints in norther California. This was one of the greatest experiences of my life. Naturally, I became more bold and assertive because I would daily talk to complete strangers about the Gospel of Jesus Christ. We would knock on doors and talk to people in their homes, in parkinglot, in the streets..etc. At first this was extremely uncomfortable and difficult for me. I felt like a robot. I wanted to share this message that meant so much to me, but I didn't know how to be outgoing and share my personality.


Eventually I became natural and comfortable as a missionary. I grew to love talking to people and sharing my thoughts and feelings. I was also trained younger missionaries for my entire mission, except 18 weeks. Being a leader helped me to feel like more of an extrovert as well. Now I am still a people person, but I continue to prefer to get to know people one-on-one. I enjoy having many friends, and feel like I have finally achieved the goal I so despritely sought as a youth: I am outgoing.

My epiphany today was that I wasn't broken as a teenager.
I was always trying to be someone I just wasn't. Someone I didn't feel comfortable being.
I wanted to be fixed. I felt I couldn't make friends or date unless I was an extrovert.
I have realized that everyone is a combination of an introvert and an extrovert. I love parties and gatherings. I love socializing and having many friends. But if I had a free afternoon, I would prefer to read a book, or draw, or write, or run. I love having many friends, but I cherish having a few best friends. I get stressed in large crowds, and camping next to another tent is not my idea of a good time.

This really just occured to me. I am so grateful for who I was. Every person has something significant to contribute. You do not have to be an outgoing, bubbily extrovert to make a difference in the lives of others and in the world.

I was blessed, however, to have amazing parents, friends (one of whom I married!), and youth leaders who did not treat me like I was different. It's like they saw me for who I really was, and treated me as such. It was with them that I felt more like myself. They made me feel like a million bucks, and it didn't matter that I was an introvert.

In a religious point of view, I believe that the natural side effect of coming close to Christ is wanting to reach out to others. As you are filled with the love of God, you can't help but want to share that love with all around you. But you don't have to be an extrovert to do this effectively. In fact, the very nature of the gospel is one-on-one. Our loving Heavenly Father created us each with unique abilities and gifts and we each can contribute greatly to the world and to the kingdom.

Now, it is my quest and mission to ensure my children feel they are important and valuable no matter their personality. Character is deeper than charisma.

Parenthood is all about LOVE

I don't usually have a vent post, but this is something that has been on my mind.

Before I became a mom, I didn't know anything about Babywise, or the Ferber Method. I had no idea what CIO stood for, or what the benefits of breastfeeding were. I just admired my mom and I knew she did her best. I felt the same away about other parents I knew. I didn't know or care what parenting method they used, I just loved to be around them because they loved their kids and had fun.

Once I became inducted into the Mom Club, and Parenthood Association, I became aware that there are a bazillion ways to raise a baby before they are one year old, and a million ways to raise a child. It seemed like every well thoughtout sleep book, family or cultural tradition or medical theory had a bitter group of mothers who detested every word and thought any publication should be burned in a sweltering furnace. Granola moms swore to non-hospital, natural births, breastfeeding, cloth diapers, co-sleeping and any other put-you-baby-to-sleep method besides cry it out. Traditional medically minded American moms had hospital births, vaccinated thier kids, used disposable diapers and may have supplimented with formula. While there are loud extremes to both schools of thought, and most parents probably fall somewhere in the middle, it seems whatever any well-meaning parent tries to do, there are numerous ranting parental forums, mothers pointing fingers and judgmental glances. Good grief.

We're all just figuring this out as we go, right?

I'm not writing this to point out who is right and who is wrong. I am certain there are pros and cons to every practice and theory. And, I am in no position to give advice...I have one baby, and I know every child and situation is different.

All I want to do is say is -lets not forget what parenting is all about afterall. No one is made fun of in high school because their parents let them "Cry It Out." No degrees are withheld because you were fed with formula. Good parents love their kids, enough said. Just love your children and do your best, and everything will be okay. You won't be a perfect parent. You won't always know exactly what your screaming baby needs, and many times you will join every parent in the Parenthood Association and feel completely overwhelmed and at the end of your rope. But it's my feeling that love is really what matters the most. Play with your kids, laugh with them, tell them you love them. Love your spouse or partner if you are blessed to have one, but don't stress too much about what you might be doing or not doing.

Lets praise our fellow moms and dads for what they are doing well. For their decision to be parents when it isn't an easy thing to do, or when we live in a world that often says it isn't convienient or cool. Lets let our friends love their children, and lets show them love in return.

I am sure that love is what's most important afterall.

The Best Job

I am resisting going to bed as long as I possibly can. It is this phenomenon that occurs when you are a mother. The kid is in bed, and you just melt to the couch and you can't move, because at last it is quiet and you are not chasing a little crawler all over the house. Maybe that is why there are so many Mommy blogs--we use this rare quiet moment to update the blog. Funny how we can't seem to think of anything to talk about other than our kid(s). Ha ha.

I wanted to share a dilema and then a thought I had recently. If you were not aware, I just graduated as an illustrator. My plan is to work in the children's book industry, and eventually write and illustrate my own books. I left college super gung-ho, and ready to work my tail off. I want to push my art as far as I can.

Shortly after graduation, I realized that being a mom is hard too. I mean, I knew that, but I had just finished school where a babysitter or his daddy tended my boy most of the day. Suddenly I was confronted with the wonderful but busy task of being a full-time momma.
Just in case you are curious, here is a run-down of my basic day:

2:30am- Max wakes up. Feed him, change his diaper, and put him back to bed

3:00am- Go back to bed (takes a while because I usually fall asleep in the chair in Max's room..which is very uncomfortable)

5:30- Max wakes up energetic and ready to play, but I am still in a zombie-like state, so I try to convince him to go back to sleep (sometimes it works, sometimes it doesn't)

6:00am- I eat breakfast and study my scriptures and feed the boy, change his clothes and diaper
The rest of the day goes something like this:
max's nap
nasty diaper
emergency bath
baby proof the house again
diaper
feed him babyfood, which ends up all over me and the kitchen
diaper
dishes
diaper
hold crying boy
laugh and play with him on the floor
diaper
nap
feed
diaper
dishes
go on a run
diaper
playdate
clean up nasty mess
feed
go on a walk
hold crying boy
laugh and play
make dinner
bath
bed
put him back in bed
then I finally go to bed.

Whew! I am exhausted just typing that. I am really so happy to be a mom, but it is very time consuming. I was feeling guilty for not doing as much with my art as I would like, but I turned to a scripture in Eccelsiastes which was an answer to my prayers.

"To every thing there is a season, and a time to every purpose under the heaven." Ecclesiastes 3:1

Being a mom is the BEST thing I can do. It is the most influential thing I will EVER do. I can change lives as a mother. Sure, it can be monotonous and stressful and exhausting (and I only have ONE baby!), but I have had more joy in the past several months than I have ever had in my life. It is hard to explain, it is just something you have to experience for yourself. I know that motherhood is Divine. I am not ashamed to be a mom, or a homemaker. Right now, I feel like that is my 'season.' I will be an illustrator, and I do try to draw and paint everyday and contact publishers, but I am not guilty nor do I feel like a failure if 'all' I do is change 10 diapers and hold a teething, sobbing baby. This is the kind of thing that has eternal consequences. If I don't dedicate my life and time to my family, who will?

I am proud to be a mom!

Secret Confession.

Don't tell my husband, but I love baseball. Do I watch it? Nope. Can I name more than 5 MLB team? Highly doubt it. Do I know any professional's batting averages? No. Can I catch a fly ball in right field, or hit a home run? Never have, but probably with a lot of practice. But despite my clear lack of experience and wisdom about the sport, I can't help but love it. I love the Sandlot. I love reading books about baseball, and I get knots in my stomach when the bases are loaded and it's the top of the 9th. I LOVE that "chink" sound when the ball hits the bat, and I love baseball hats. I once declared I am a Redsox fan because I love the way the hat looks. Superficial? maybe, but maybe I am just a sentimental American, who loves a rich pasttime.

(this is an illustration I did. check out my website: arielcoleart.com)

The Good Life

Well, it happened. I graduated with my Bachelor's degree. I feel so happy, relieved, and blessed. Really, this was a modern-day miracle, every bit as real and amazing as when Moses parted the Red Sea through the power of God. Being a mom and a student was tough, but I did it. I felt the Lord's hand guide me everyday, and I know I cannot take any credit. Somehow when I was up A LOT with Max, or when I had to stay up until the wee hours working on projects, I had strength and energy to keep going the next day. It was really amazing. It was a perfect semester. I was pushed so much, but I really improved in so many ways. For one, this was my first semester doing only digital illustrations, and now I don't think I will do anything else, at least professionally. I also had probably the biggest paradigm shift yet with my art. For some reason I have always had so much fun sketching, but I would get so anxious and rigid when it came to my actual projects. I would WAY over work each piece, and about have a panic attack in the process. But I learned, and I am SO happy I learned this before I graduate, that you can just be loose and expressive all the time! I know, I know, it seems obvious, and I think I probably would have said I knew that before, but I hadn't internalized it.

SO now? 

I am just living the greatest life of a full-time momma, and part-time, squeezed in the cracks, arists, which is just the way I love it! ( I am contacting publishers and art directors which is fun and very scary!!)

Being a mom, by the way, is NOT easy. Actually, I am realizing that many things about school where so much easier than my life now. For one, I was on campus for 6 hours, so I could get a lot done, and I didn't have to put on my "diaper changer, feeder, entertainer" hats on. Now, I am with my little guy pretty much all the time. It is wonderful, but it requires a lot of love and energy. 

I made a discovery recently...many another, just as important paradigm shift. 

Sometimes I think: I got NOTHING done today! I didn't get to workout, the house is a mess, I didn't get _____,_______,and __________ done. I didn't even shower, or get out of my sweats...

BUT

I had the MOST productive day in the most important ways:

I held my sobbing boy for 30 minutes

Fed him, or tried to, 5 times

Changed 6 diapers, one explosive

Tickled him until we were both laughing so hard we were crying

Took him on a run

Read him 3 children's books

Made dinner for my sweatheart eventhough things were hectic

Said my prayers 

Read my scriptures out loud to Max (and asked what he thought :)  )

Thought of a friend or family member and called, visited or sent a text..

My point is I am going to stop labeling my day as productive only if I accomplish a list of "To Dos" based on MY goals. Being a mom and a wife is one of the most selfless things I can do, and the BEST use of my time. I am trying to give it all that I have!

This is THE life!!